Humor
Steven the Vegan
Yes, we have a guilty pleasure. We love Steven the Vegan and all the folks at Olde English. We are thinking about making him our un-official spokesperson. We’ve transcribed the video for the hearing impaired.
*But what about chicken?
Nope I don’t eat chicken.
*How about steak?
I certainly don’t eat steak.
*What about ham?
If it comes from an animal I don’t eat it.
*What if it’s cooked for like a really long time?
Then it still comes from an animal and I don’t eat animals.
Anyways, today we’re going to make a vegan style Cumberland bread. Muah! Well what’s a Cumberland bread? Well traditionally, Cumberland bread have a sweet flavor like honey! However, if you’re cooking for a vegan, which we are, that means you can’t use honey. Fortunately there are many different honey substitutes which we can…
*WAIT, why can’t we use honey?
Because honey, like milk, which comes from a cow (makes milking motion) is an animal product, and we’re cooking for vegans.
*But eggs come from an animal, and everybody eats eggs.
NO, not everyone eats eggs, I don’t eat eggs, vegans don’t eat eggs.
*What about milk from a goat?
A GOAT IS STILL AN ANIMAL.
*What about human milk?
NEXT QUESTION.
*What if the person is a “vegetable?”
NEXT QUESTION.
*Okay, let’s say you’re trapped on an island with animals and vegetables-
-I’D OBVIOUSLY EAT THE VEGETABLES!
*What if a monkey made you a sandwich, would you eat it then?
IF THE MONKEY MADE ME A VEGETABLE SANDWICH WITH NO CHEESE AND NO MAYONNAISSE THEN YES, I WOULD EAT IT!
*What if while the monkey was making the sandwich, it died?
THAT IS IT! (smashes plates and screams)
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